So the big day is coming up. The wedding approaches and you have to make a speech. Terrifying! Whether or not you’re used to speaking in front of crowds, writing about your friends’ lives, or making jokes, you have to do it, and you want to do it well. It may be a daunting task, but it doesn’t have to be difficult. Here are some tips for writing a killer wedding speech when you’ve been asked to speak at a wedding – and a few tips for brides and grooms themselves.

START WITH THE BASICS

Who are you? What’s your relationship to the people getting married? This will be something everyone is wondering if you don’t say so. It also establishes you as someone close to the couple and builds trust in the guests. Another fundamental element of speech giving is sticking to your time limit. The couple probably gave you one. Please stick to it – no matter if, as a parent, you paid for the whole wedding or if you think you have just too many jokes for five minutes, no one wants an overlong wedding speech. Did the couple ask you not to mention something? Just don’t mention it. Remember the speech is about the couple, not about you. Will the couple or their families baulk at anything in your speech? Think about if you really should say it.

CONSIDER THE COUPLE

What is the couple getting married like? As their best man, maid of honour, family member or other person honoured with the task of speaking at their wedding, you should know enough about them to have an idea about what they’re expecting – for both content and style. And if you’re unsure, ask them! It’s their event and they know best what they want, so take that into consideration.

FIND YOUR OWN STYLE

Don’t think that because you have a specific role in the wedding that you need to be stereotypical. The best man can give a heartfelt speech, and the maid of honour can absolutely give a hilarious one. The best speeches walk the line between heartfelt and funny, anyway. Just be honest and find the things about the couple that you think are important, and don’t try to be anything but the person the newlyweds love and expect to speak to their nearest and dearest. They trusted you with the microphone for a reason.

BE PREPARED

You should definitely write your speech down in advance, especially if you aren’t accustomed to speaking in front of crowds. Expecting to wing it, deliver zingers and wrap up with a lovely message within a time limit when you’re not practised at doing so is a rookie error. Instead, write down your speech, practise it, and time it. If you don’t often speak in front of people, practise doing it in front of a few people in preparation. It could be the rest of the wedding party, your family or someone unrelated to the wedding – just not the couple getting married if you want what you say to be a surprise.

REMEMBER, IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU

Some of the worst wedding speeches can be spoken with sincerity, deliver funny jokes, and wrap up on time – but not mention the people getting married as a couple. If you’re the best man or maid of honour, do include some details of you growing up together, but remember that now is not the time to go into your entire personal history with your friend. Your speech should be about both the people getting married. You should be only a supporting player in the stories in your own speech. The same goes for parents of the couple; no one needs to hear what Shelley was like as a baby unless it has some bearing on how she ended up with Andrew. Keep the couple as the heart of your speech and you can’t go wrong.

WHILE YOU’RE SPEAKING

If you’ve prepared enough, you should be able to get through your speech no worries. It’s not rocket science. But there are a few things that can make a speech even better as you speak it. Remember to make plenty of pauses, especially at key moments, so that the crowd can laugh, or sigh, or clap, or just generally appreciate what you’re saying (practicing in front of real people will help you find these moments). Don’t be afraid to refer your notes while you speak – most people realise speakers at weddings aren’t habitual speech-givers – but if you practise enough you shouldn’t have to simply read them out. Also maybe take it easy on the drinks before your speech. There’s a fine line between a little liquid courage and overdoing it.

IF YOU’RE A BRIDE OR GROOM

You probably have a lot of thank yous to deliver to the key people in your wedding, including your parents, suppliers and anyone who played a part. But remember that you also get the last word of the evening. If anyone sassed you in their speeches, feel free to roast them back – get that sweet revenge. Also remember that it’s your event. Do what you want! Keep the thank yous for in private later on if you’d prefer your wedding speech to be more stand-up in style. Really, your guests can deal, because you’re the boss on your wedding day.